Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
