A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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