Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...