No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating