I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.