Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities