Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
