it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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