Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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