shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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