so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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