That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We are all done wearing pants today
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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