I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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