I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
