Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
