shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
