Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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