I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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