He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
