Screwed.edu
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
