its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
