So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
