the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
