Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
