porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
