did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
