Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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