i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
