I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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