Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
