she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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