What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who died my cat blue again?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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