whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
