When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
