i just wanna soil my oats bro
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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