Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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