i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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