and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
