Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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