I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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