stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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