My cat gives me a boner
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
