you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
