No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
