I need help removing her.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
