so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
