he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
