Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
false alarm, still single
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
