Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
