Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
