i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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