i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
