help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
