I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
