The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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