im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize