I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
