Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize