i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
