You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
