just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
