That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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