I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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